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The Weekly Tone

I'm fascinated by those who have achieved fame, wealth, and status in unusual ways. Now, if you've been a reader for at least one or two Journals, I'm imagining your state of shock when I tell you that I read Dan Bilzerian's autobiography last month and liked it. While he isn't quite punching in Seneca's wisdom weight class, I consider him an Instagram OG at the level of Paris Hilton, the yardstick for which I measure all internet celebrities. Obviously, I play in that playpen, so I cracked open the volume to steal some tips.

I got a lot more than I asked for.

The book, ah, well, it's as boneheaded as you'd imagine, and that's either really good or really bad, depending on your taste, however, it's an honest look at an unusual life--and honesty is difficult to come by, especially in celebrity autobiographies. Dan claims to have written the whole thing without a ghost writer (and it shows), so let's take his word for it. The book runs over 400 pages, so I'm not recommending it, per se, but there was a line that stopped me in my tracks that I should pin above my desk.

No one wants to give you something you truly need.

This line is loaded with information and needs some context.

Dan isn't referring to the world as a cold, heartless place that's holding out on your wishes and desires. Because it's not, and clearly hasn't been for Dan considering all the women, exotic cars, parties, and the deep social network he enjoys in each chapter. I doubt he feels like the world is holding back the goods.

Rather, he's referring to a strange facet of human nature. When you're in a state of neediness (what I could also define as maximum selfishness) you're an incredibly unattractive person to help.

No one wants to help a needy person, startup, salesperson, lover, dog groomer, etc.

You already know this on a deep level. But watch what happens when you raise this phenomenon to the surface to take a look at it.

Dan, of course, hasn't experienced, the live-or-death neediness of homelessness or the like (we're not talking about that kind of neediness), however, he's experienced in the high-rolling world of poker, complete with the huge personalities (and bank accounts) that support it. When he was up, the money came flooding in. When he was down, it was crickets. Hasn't that been your experience too?

When you need money, the job, the part in the school play, no one wants to give it to you. When you walk in like you could care less, people start handing you hoodies, cash, salary raises, skateboard sponsorships...

Here's why:

• Neediness is an attempt at forced compliance (you're trying to force someone to do something)

• Neediness is maximally selfish (because this thing only benefits you)

• Neediness shows lack of interest in the other's party's needs

• No one want's to associate with desperation (through Caldini's association principle)

• Needing a deal to happen is the worst place to be in a negotiation

In my life, when I was about to be "on my ass" which happened exactly once (I spent a ton of money chasing my wish to be a serious rock musician after leaving Wall Street and almost went to $0), no one wanted to give me anything. My behavior became narrow and animalistic. I lost my sense of abundance and it changed the way I made basic decisions. I took crappy deals and overworked in the wrong ways.

To escape, I needed time to think to break out of the disastrous state I found myself in. It didn't happen overnight. Humility, then creativity, got me out of the jam and led to the green shoots of my first company.

Six years later, I tell people not to give me their money. I turn down most deals that are presented to me.

Now, I'm of the opinion that people don't get to where they are by accident. I know I didn't. And, yes, this includes the Kardashians. There's some kernel of truth they've unlocked and provided, even a questionable dose of value for society.

Further, I'm not stupid enough to think that most people have the luxury of breaking out of a tight paycheck cycle, especially with families overnight. However, if you want to experience (just to experiment, let's say) the feeling of power than comes from needing nothing - start socking-away a small "FU" fund. You might already have one and forgot about its power.

Whereas if you asked for a raise, and didn't get it, you could walk. Or if you ended a sales call, you genuinely didn't need that client's business. Feel the Four Loko rush of not needing anything.

The opposite of neediness is needlessness. Which is analogous to a state of giving.

Let's make this real with an example.

I find myself saying at the end of meetings, "...and there's no pressure try it or not - I don't think there's any reason to buy something that doesn't work for your team." Why would I do something insane like that? Because it's true! I don't want to sell something someone doesn't need and I don't care if I win their specific account either with so many other "good fits" driving my business.

I've recently discovered that this "reiteration of free will" or "anti-neededness" has been studied scientifically by Caldini. It can double your sales conversion rate.

Still think neediness is a good idea?

So what do we do to turn this bad tendency into an advantage?

Give more. Become more generous. Give stuff away. It's the opposite of neediness. And it will bring a shocking amount of wealth and opportunity back to you in the long run.

In fact, you don't have an option. The other way doesn't work!

Finally, I'm known for hiring people who lend a high-quality helping hand for free and make it clear (through their behavior) that it's a freebie with no strings attached. I sense a wisdom in their behavior, it's almost, "I'm testing you out too, Crown, I want to see what it's like to work together and I have a few extra hours to give." Bravo! Everyone wins.

You've seen all the angles now. And probably thought way more about Dan Bilzerian than you'd like for a Monday morning.

So, if you want to monetize some extra hours give a few away for free. If you're down, act like you're still up and you will be faster than if you dip into self-pity. This idea of giving isn't some kind of New Age morality, it's hardwired into your DNA.

Get used to it.

This week, I’m taking meetings from Miami, FL

Assets: Status Symbols

I live in Miami at the moment, which by all accounts is a questionable choice. A sunny place for shady people, indeed. But, one thing is for sure, there's a heck of a lot of money floating around near these sandy beaches. It all makes for an interesting show.

[Lamborghini whizzes by.]

Now, one of the more hilarious circuses of wealth is an international art festival showcase known as Art Basel, or officially, Miami Art Week. I could create a year's worth of "Rich vs Really Rich" skits from the various interactions I have every year at this weeklong show, but I'd prefer to touch on the art, rather than the people.

But to not leave you with a cliffhanger, I'll summarize the people: a lot more of the "Rich Guy" than the "Really Rich Guy".

Let's get into it.

I found that there were such overt status symbols embedded in the best-selling art (the shows with lines out of the booth and Champagne private events) - from painted Hermes logos, Chanel "C's", and other random rips from French fashion houses. And it's the American artists that are hung up (no pun intended) on the topic. The international galleries showed a much wider breadth. Lord knows the French galleries aren't spraypainting Chanel purses.

What's happening here?

On the artist's part, it's a triple trick - he's selling you something you already associate with luxury, with a half-assed cartoon, for a crazy high price. And you're buying it.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

On the buyer's part? It's humiliating. It's a trick that says, "this is a trick" right on the package.

As Nassim Nicholas Taleb says "anything that's stupid, but works, is no longer stupid". And here we are, in Miami, buying Milton Bradley characters, superimposed over another brand, hung for sale in a flashy South Beach gallery so it all seems legit.

And there I am, drinking Champagne, and trying not to look it all in the eye.

Because if you think really hard about it all, you'll burst out laughing at how we keep chasing make-believe symbols with all our might. Want to wear a $500 tee shirt? All the power to you. Just don't start thinking it means anything, it's just brilliant marketing.

Ask yourself, "Does this thing I'm paying good money for solve a problem or make me feel like my status is being elevated?"

Pick more of the first than the second.

*This isn't investment advice.

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